The stakes couldn?t be higher at the poker service in the Russian Unorthodox Church over the chip shop: Ottoman Ozgur is after a crucial Greek recipe, but risks getting Stavro?s dreaded daughter instead.

Up the High Street, retired light-heavyweight ?Shakespeare? O?Brien?s Oxford Academy of Higher Learning could be about to lose its only student to the Chinese Secret Service. The Rev. ?Sunshine? Jackson?s Boy?s Club isn?t doing much better, so if the juvenile delinquents won?t join him, he?ll have to join them. Meanwhile serial loser Puffy Addit has got religion and job on the buses, and they don?t mix well. Accidental celebrity chef Gordon Bennet is in well over his head, and so is Rob Turpin when he tuns up to nick a work of art he nicked once before.

If it ain?t one bloomin? thing it?s another.